Often during my pregnancy, I used to worry .. why am I feeling less kicks today? Or did I take my prenatal vitamins on time? Is my baby doing well inside? All very common thoughts that any expecting mother would have. Little did I know that these 9 months- our lil ones are the safest .. as soon as they pop out the worry battle begins. And then there’s no stop to it no matter how old they get or we.
So here, today, I’m going to share the most worry some and toughest mommy battle I had to face and fight- soon after Nayel was born.
As I did mention how amazing and beautiful my natural birthing experience was( read my birthing story blog just before this one) ,little did I know whats lined ahead.
So Nayel and I were shifted to the room in the hospital all healthy and fine and his chachas , khalas and everyone was already there waiting to meet him. Nayel was mostly asleep- how you would mostly expect babies to be.. later that evening everyone went home and ami( my MIL, my biggest support) and I were left. She helped me learn how to breastfeed and was there for my help. (Shes a gem ma sha Allah. )
What was strange though was that Nayel wasn’t feeding efficiently and whatever he was taking.. he kept throwing up. Ami and I were both clueless and she felt Nayel turning a lil blue.. That’s when we called the doctor. She assured us everything was ok and she took Nayel for some checkup in the NICU.. Ami told me to sleep for a little while as I was exhuasted. I couldn’t obviously.
After an hour or so the doctor came in the room and informed us that Nayel’s sugar levels were very low due to which he wasn’t very active and throwing up. They decided to keep him in the NICU under observation for that night.
Each hour that was passing was like million years to me. All I did was to look at the clock ticking and praying for my few hours old baby. I could feel somthing wasn’t right.
I completely panicked. Huzaifa had gone home that night to get some sleep.
Early morning we both rushed to the NICU to check on Nayel. Doctor there informed us that his sugar levels were still very low and he isnt digesting milk.
I saw my one – day old baby in NICU, hooked on to some beep machines , some probes and needles already in his tiny hands and feet. He was already been given IVs. Tears rolled down my cheeks and I never felt as helpless as I felt then..
Anywys , I had to put my foot down to exclusively breastfeed Nayel there as doctors were easily opting for the formula. Just to add- this particular hospital was very baby – mother friendly ( that was the reason I opted it ).
My struggle began that day.. Doctors started some antibiotics for Nayel and he had to stay there until the dose finished and he was digesting on his own. Being new parents, Huzaifa and I were in denial and kept pushing the doctors to let us take Nayel home…
I was discharged the very next day. So the empty feeling of me coming home without my baby was hard. I constantly felt lumps in my throat. With the whole new various pain syndromes of postpartum ( which were expected) – this one wasn’t.
Everyday from that day onwards the nurses would call me after every 2 -3 hours , where we would rush to the hospital as it was Nayel’s feeding time. I had completely forgotten my pain. Every inch of my body used to hurt but that was nothing as compared to the pain I felt seeing my baby.
Meanwhile , the only thing that kept me going on was my mother in laws strong support in ways such as giving me food, cooking fresh chapatis for me each time, giving me yakhni ( bone broth )and milk with nuts- all what any mom would do for her daughter. Everyone else I knew kept praying for baby Nayel and honestly that was too- the strongest support I had.
While visiting and feeding Nayel in the NICU, I used to look around and see other babies. There was a story in each section , each incubator. The only feeling I had was when on earth would I be able to take Nayel away from here. The beep beep of machines still echoes in my ear.
Moreover – I kept thanking Allah swt for the blessing he had bestowed me and in how much better position I was than many others there.
Days kept passing by. Nayel was born on the 1st April and I had booked my moms ticket to arrive on the 7th. ( my due date was 9th). So on the 6th April , after visiting the hospital for feeding , I went to my home to get things sorted out for my mama to come. It was a mess. I got busy cleaning and arranging things when suddenly my husbands phone rang. It was from the hospital. Huzaifa attended the phone and I could see him hearing while saying yes.. yes.. I was anxious to know what conversations was going on. He kept the phone and said – ‘ the doctor says Nayel is doing very well and we can take him home tonight.’ We both hugged and of course I cried. It felt like we had just won a battle . Or a lottery . Or a race . It felt like all our duas were answered.
I could finally bring my baby home.❤